What have I done? I’ve made a big mistake. Nobody is going to hire me after more than 1.5 years of not working as a nurse! The phlebotomist the other day at your MD appointment even pointed out that “you shouldn’t wait much longer,” implying that nobody will want to hire someone who has been without work experience for that long. And remember a few years ago when you had been without work for only less than a year and the temp agency turned you down? I mean, even a temp agency! They always find work for anyone who is breathing and can pass a drug test! You’ve been lazy and you’re going to get your comeuppance!
There’s your guilt again arising as fear, as terror. Guilt wants you to writhe in fear of punishment of its myriad forms of imagined sacrifice. It tells you that is what the future holds for you. But really the only punishment you’ll experience is the pain of the guilt and fear you’re experiencing at this very moment. You’re doing this to yourself and you can stop doing this right now. There is no punishment from anything outside your choice to suffer right now. Don’t worry. On the other side of this fear is the high of liberation from fear. You’re liberated in knowing you’ll always be guided effortlessly to the next episode in life the moment you’re willing to look directly at the fear and see it for what it really is and be willing to let it go. Guidance has always cared for you. And it WILL always care for you by expanding your awareness of providence at each juncture on the road.
Then peace filled my mind and my breathing deepened and relaxed. I had touched Truth again and remembered that it is always there for me on the other side of whatever form of fear is arising. I can now more fully understand how one can learn to look forward to the fear instead of looking to distract oneself away from it. This feels right. I look forward to more of this discovery process.